Saturday, August 2, 2008

Omigod I Love this Town

I spent my 0-18 years in a suburb outside of Rochester, New York called Pittsford. My mother is often telling me how great things are there, hinting ever so subtlely (or not) that perhaps I might like to move back some day. High school for me was basically a snobbish hell of rich girls driving their brand new BMWs and Mercedes the day they turned 16, and pre-frat boys being dicks. I did go to a really good high school where pretty much everyone goes to college, and most kids go to Ivy League or top tier schools, so I do have that to thank for a great education.

I have very little contact with folks that I went to high school with, and sometimes I forget (thankfully) how happy I am to not be there anymore. Recently, I joined Facebook (yes! I am so hip beyond my 32 years! take that generation millennium!) and have gotten back in touch with some HS alums. I was just invited to join this facebook group called "Bitch please...I'm from Pittsford", which is described as follows:

Essentially, this is for everyone from Pittsford who knows that we are better than everyone else because...

we've got Wegmans,
we've got garbage plates,
we've got more money,
we've got bigger houses,
we've got nicer houses,
we've got hamza and hilal,
we're smarter,
our moms don't dress their ages because they don't look it,
most of us drive better cars then our teachers,
we have high levels of awesomity,
we all have Ipods,
we know how to party,
we bring sexy back for real,
we need scaffolding to clean our chimneys,
we don't go in debt when we buy something from abercrombie,
we kick ass at everything we do,
we can afford to build a middle school and only use half of it,
we have ben and jerry's, coldstone and bill wahl's
we have great northern and pontillo's
we have pittsford farms dairy
we've got the one, the only, David Snyder,
we've got higher quality drugs,
basically all of us do crew,
we are amazing at hockey,
Pittsford is listed as one of 'Best Places to Live in the Country' by CNN,
the town is one of the wealthiest in the nation,
home to Oak Hill Country Club, which hosted the 1989 U.S. Open, 1995 Ryder Cup and the 2003 PGA Championship,
hosts to the NFL Buffalo Bills, who have their summer training camp at St. John Fisher,
The parents are mostly doctors/surgeons, lawyers, or successful businessmen,
A majority of the people have created their own business, earning up to as much as five million dollars a year,

and because we probably employ your parents
Thank you Portland for being a million, billion awesome things and NOT THIS. God, I hate my hometown.